A sluggish computer will not, unfortunately, be fixed with a thorough slathering of antibacterial gel. Attack viruses of the computorial variety more effectively using today's WagJag from Lara Internet Service Provider:

• $20 for a complete computer cleanup, in-store at Lara (a $75 value)
• $39 for one hour of technical support at your home (an $85 value)

Poor computer performance is one of the leading causes of stress, high blood pressure and machines hurled off balconies or through windows. The techies at Lara help solve machine-rage by curing problems like slow speed and frequent freezing with a thorough scouring of your machine's insides. The complete clean-up includes the un-installment any suspicious software (fake anti-virus, toolbars, etc); clean up of start-up applications; removal of problem software like temporary internet files, cookies and browser history; immunization and removal of Spyware and Adware; a check that your anti-virus is up to date; required windows updates; hard drive defrag and dusting any dirt and debris from the computer fans.

Named for the heroine in Dr. Zhivago, Lara's computer ministrations inject the life-force back into tired processors, and give clients back the time they were losing staring at the hourglass icon. This clean-up takes place at Lara's facility. If your computer is already in tip-top shape, you may purchase option 2 to take advantage of their other computer services.